She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
