I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
do herpes really smell.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Randomize
