I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
