i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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