Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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