but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
