i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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