the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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