Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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