didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
