I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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