dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
