so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
