Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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