ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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