can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
