guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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