She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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