dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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