4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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