Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
