Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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