I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
