I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
