Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
