TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
