Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Randomize
