Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
