you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
