My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize