I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
