my phone needs a breathalizer
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
