I faked an abortion last night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this will be a night to untag.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
