Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
