I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
