So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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