well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
