what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
