If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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