Why are handjobs necessary in class?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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