i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm like, not good at living.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
