I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize