Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
