Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
