Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
