I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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