I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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