It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
