The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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