Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
