she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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