He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
