I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I want is dick and wine.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
