I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
