I think my vagina is haunted
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
