If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
