Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
