that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
