the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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