My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize