This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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