Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
