My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize