I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
